everything is terrible / i am sad about things / i don’t want to be sad about things anymore
i am seeing a lot of my folks talking about polyamory and monogamy and i wanted to use this an opportunity to thank yall for putting out different ideas about polyamory in qpoc and immigrant communities.
i do not identify as poly. i did at one point in…
the way i used to ache for you, it used to be so painful.
a stabbing, or maybe a burning pain? i felt it deep within my bones and down in my gut.
recently, it has become more like a dull pain. a slight throbbing, like a bruise on my inner thigh. sometimes, i forget you’re even there.
i used to make so many excuses.
oh, if only we had met at a different time. oh, if only we had met under different circumstances. oh, if only we had met when i wasn’t so fucked up, so desperate for attention, so incredibly burdened by the heavy weight of my own life caving in around me. oh, if only we had fucked on the first date, like i know you wish we would have.
it is refreshing, though, to be truthful to myself now. to know that there was never a “right time” for us. nothing was ever meant to blossom between us because you’re a shitty person most of the time, and i’ve become much to strong to let myself become consumed by you.
i hope you are well. i hope you’ve found what you’re looking for, although i doubt you have. i hope you’re no longer manipulating boys in an attempt to hide from all the ugly parts of your past.
i am at peace. with you, with us, and with everything. are you?